There have been several times in our marriage where I thought we were good. Like, we were happy and things couldn't get any better! Obviously I was living in a fantasy because the unexpected always happened and I realize things are not so great. Even during the tough times it's the best feeling knowing that we get to talk about them, learn and move on from them. Which in turn brings us closer and stronger together.
I was one of those people who thought it was easier being a wife than a mother. Some just have a natural ability to handle things differently with their children than their spouse. I am not one of those people! I have a very hard time figuring out how to react to my kids in a loving way all the time and it makes me into a not so fun person to be around. The biggest thing I'm learning is that I think I am a good wife so I focused more on being a good mother. In doing that I loose sight of what being a good wife really means.
Every wife and mother knows it's hard to balance the life of both and I don't even want to know what it would be like to throw a job in there for me! The most important advice I can give is that you need to rely on God to fulfil your needs and allow Him to help you pour out His love and affection to your family. I can say that I've struggled with both of these. When I believed my husband was there to fulfill my needs I struggled to see where God fit in. When I tried with everything in me to be kind and compassionate to my family even when they don't deserve it, I struggled to see the purpose in it all.
I know what my family needs and as the wife and mother it's my job to be here for them in those ways. In the good times and bad, when they don't deserve it and even when I don't feel like it! I am doing it for the glory of God, no matter how hard it gets. The struggle is real people, and I have struggled A LOT in ten years, I've been hurt, I've been broken, I've even given up at times, and I've hurt people but all while becoming stronger and closer to my husband and God.
There are multiple things we have done in our marriage to keep us in track. Here are some recommendations:
The Art of marriage (we did it twice)
It's a extremely powerful study on marriage to help you both learn the other better and how you each play a role. Usually churches put it on, but can be done in small groups. Comes with a work book and DVD.
Love and respect
Our church also had this as an option for a marriage class. It has a book and DVD also. The book is good on its own. It goes through your job as loving your wife and respecting your husband and how the two go together to make the marriage work.
Couples devotions
A few we have done are:
The Love Dare Night Light
Powerful Promises for Every Couple Other good book resources are:
Created to be his Help meet. Ladies this goes over our role as wife.
Power of a praying wife. Nothing is more powerful than prayer!
Don't be afraid of counseling
WHEN you have issues sometimes it's best to seek help to get another perspective. If you can't afford it or think it's awkward than a trusted Christian couple will do just fine!
Date nights
This is one we have struggled with having a constant. It's basically whenever we get around to it. I know it's something I would like a lot more so we are working on that with getting a sitter.
Make sex a priority
Yes, I said it. I'm not ashamed to talk about it and neither should you with your spouse. Tell each Other what you want/need and be open to new ideas or compromising.
Healthy Communication
If your spouse doesn't know what they are doing wrong or what's bothering you don't assume they'll eventually get the hint, or it will get better, or that you need to talk to someone else about it! It's not fair for the other person to think nothing is wrong while you sit and think hateful thoughts or find a way to get back at them. Explain how you are feeling and talk about what each of you could do differently or what would make things better next time.
5 Love Languages
Take the test and find out what makes each other click. Finding this will help you understand what makes your spouse feel loved!
If you are struggling in your marriage or just want someone to talk to I'd love to chat and help in any way I can. I'm not a counselor or have experience with it, but I have gone through circumstances that could help others and am willing to allow God to work through me to help those who need it too!
Here are a few things from Mark to the guys out there on marriage:
10 years goes fast, and anyone who's been marriage longer knows that.
Always kiss her goodnight.
Always say I love you even in those few moments when she's unloveable.
Remember she's on your team.
Keep life fun and make her laugh.
Give her the best sexual experience every time.
In ten years Mark and I have had rough patches, gone to counseling, have had some really great times, made memories to last a lifetime, we have cried together, we have laughed together, we have talked through the night, we have lost friends and family together. I look at him each day and thank God for blessing me with this man, to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health till death do us part. I couldn't imagine living and sharing my life with anyone else. I love him more and more each day and know that when times get tough they can always get better and we will be closer and stronger because of it and will always be there for each other. Here's to the next ten years!
