"I want Daddy"

The past few days, after hearing those words from my almost three year old, I have been trying to figure out why he loves his daddy, so much more than me. Even if I'm in the room, if daddy is home all the attention goes straight to him. I realize that I am with my son all day long, and maybe he gets tired of me, but his face lights up like the house on National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. I love it, but after a few attempts at helping in some way or just wanting a hug, I get the snuff, and a "No, let daddy do it" I feel like when we are together as a family, Mark is a single parent and I am the "mistress" or girlfriend who doesn't have a connection with his son. I love that Mark is always willing to take care of him when he is home, it gives me a little break from having to do it all day, and that is the only time he gets to spend with him, but when I want to do anything, he pushes me away. I'm pretty sure that there is a book called, "Are you my Mother?" Mom's are suppose to build this connection with their kids, with being in the womb, and giving birth. Yes it might just be a phase of life, but I am beginning to feel like my child doesn't love me. Maybe I am overreacting, or something, but I feel that the time I have now with him, is most important, and I don't feel the bond when Mark is around. I want to feel like we are a family and he loves us both equally as we do him, but I don't see that. I want more than anything for him to want me, instead of Mark, and maybe that is selfish, but is that so hard to want a child that wants to be with me. Since he has been born, I have showered him with love, hugs and kisses everyday, and making sure I tell him I love him, so he knows and he is getting to that age, where it gets old fast, and he doesn't want to sit and snuggle with me, and I miss that. I love kissing his cheeks, I could do it all day, but he's over it in a minute. As soon as Mark walks through that door, I get pushed aside and not even noticed. With Mark, he makes sure to give me a kiss when he gets home, and we talk about the day, and I'm not neglected by my husband, only my three year old. It's so different during the day when Mark isn't here, or when we go somewhere and I am the only one he can come to, I love it. I have seen, and realized a few different things since this has occurred. One being, my son is like a dog, he can sense when Mark is home, he'll jump up on the couch and say "Daddy's home" and I will have no idea what he is talking about, very rarely we will be able to hear his car door shut, but sure enough, every time, a few minutes later Mark walks through the door. Another thing, is that I asked Mark to fold some of Kyron's laundry while I finish cleaning up the house, and I got done before he did, so I sat on the couch. Not a minute went by and Kyron came over and started jumping on me, and playing. It was then, that I figured it out. When Mark gets home, I usually get things done that I couldn't get done or didn't have time to get done during the day, or make supper. So therefore, Mark is free sitting on the couch for Kyron to play with. I am still working on getting that time back during the day, because Mark is not here, so it should be easy, but that is when I decided that I was going to start him off with a little time during the day to spend on preschool work. We aren't sending him to preschool and he is three next month, so it will give us time to spend together. I love that we can have family time, even though we don't do a lot as a family, just because we rarely have time during the week, and the weekends sometimes are more busy. But I would love to start doing a day where we can just be us, and both parents can be equally appreciated. The last thing is that Mark and I don't get a lot of time together. He gets home late and that is the only time he gets with Kyron, so I understand. Kyron doesn't go to bed until we do, so there is no time before bed for us to talk without being interrupted. So we are looking to spending more nights out this year, I am not sure how we are going to do it, but hopefully it will be something we can look forward to. I mean I need that time with him, just us, and not on a Sunday morning in church, because right now, aside from volleyball that's our "alone" time. Thanks for listening, if you have any ideas, or advice, please feel free to share. I'm not sure how many people read my blog, but it's nice to know, but a little feed back, that I'm not just talking to myself. Maybe it's just a journal where I can express my feelings and know that I am getting them out there, instead of bottling them all up inside.